break ups:

suck.

Where have I been?

I went on a hike and took this picture. 

Seriously, where the heck have I been the last two months? Why I haven't I written? It's not like I work too much. Interesting things HAVE happened. Geez, forgive me. Can we just talk about Fall in Seattle real quick? It is the most beautiful thing ever. As I sit with my lukewarm tea at Top Pot Doughnuts I am so happy I am experiencing this right now. The leaves are the kind of leaves you see in movies like "Autumn in New York", the wind is chilly and everyone is bundled up in hats and scarves. At this hour, 6:10pm, it is almost completely dark. Amazing. I just spoke with Joy in Los Angeles and she is at the beach! In shorts! (I made the shorts part up, but I'm sure she is in something loose and airy). I can't even picture the beach right now. Oh, this fall weather is divine. I can't wait to go home, turn on my radiator and snuggle in with my old man cat. And if I wanted to eat warm cookies for dinner, would you blame me? It is near Halloween-time. It's almost Thanksgiving. My parents are staying with me in my little Joey Ray apartment for six days. Ingenious, hilarious blog posts to follow. Trust.

Perfection.

Normal. What is normal? What is perfect? Would you be perfect if you had the choice? I wouldn't. I like the way I wear my heart on my sleeve. Even when it breaks, at least I can say I gave it my all. I love that I eat more candy then I should. I am a terrible driver and I'm not ashamed of it. I trip on things often. I'm clumsy with knives and I stutter all the time. These are the traits that make me Lauren Tiffany Wilson and to be honest I wouldn't want it any other way. This doesn't mean that I don't strive to be a better person. Better, not the best. I strive to make my relationships stronger, more meaningful and full of love. Those that resist make me uneasy. To those that encourage my love: Thank you. I want you near me forever. I want to hug you all the time.

Bruce.

Have you ever been on a date when you didn't know it was a date? Me neither, until this afternoon. I just got back from one of the most awkward encounters of my life. But before I delve into these details let me give you a little back story for reference -- Turns up music, Neo Soul please -- Last week these two great, gregarious gentlemen came into REI looking for size huge hiking boots. They were hilarious together and I loved them immediately. One of them made an off colour remark regarding boot straps and moments later asked if I was a Jewish woman in the city. I told them I was half white half black and the bigger guy, the cooler one, whispered in my ear, "Wait, you're a mulatto?"Then I told them I had a girlfriend and they looked at me as though I had confessed being a closeted 'Frasier' fan. Both mouths agape. They guessed my age to be about 19 and were shocked to find out I was in my mid-twenties. We bumped video-phones and exchanged information (I wish I had you, iphone). Done and done, I thought. My new silver fox friends and I were going to tear this town up. But, were they gay together? Was one of them gay? I just couldn't figure it out! On their way out they handed me their business cards and information. The cooler one, William, is a professional photographer and Bruce, well, Bruce's card said just that: 'Bruce' with a phone number. Alright, this guy likes to keep things low key. He's a low maintenence kind of man. As they walked out of my life that afternoon, I remember thinking how badly I wanted them in my life. These two great guys, so funny, so gay. Just perfect ..
That evening I texted Bruce asking when we could hang out. We planned to meet at a coffee shop the next week. . I was totally looking forward to it and before I left my apartment I even put on the 'good' deoderant.
Long story long: Bruce is not a homosexual. He won't be my new silver fox friend. He told me about his recent divorce and how he's not quite sure his current girlfriend is someone he wants to be with forever. He said when he told her about our little excursion that she became incredibly incensed. You heard me correctly. A date, I was on a date? He told me I was beautiful and confessed wanting to be my boyfriend. He's been looking for an excuse to break things off with this woman and in his heart of hearts I think he wanted it to be me. Mid terriyaki bite I finally put all the pieces together. I almost spit out my food but it was so delicious I decided to swallow it instead. I inquired, "Are you trying to date me? Because clearly that isn't going to happen." I told him I had a girlfriend and was lesbian. I so badly wanted to recite that lesbian line from 'Mean Girls' but was afraid he wouldn't get the reference. Silver fox. My new silver fox friend was not gay at all. And despite my refusal to be his girlfriend he continued to try and convince me to date him. He spoke of his lesbian fantasy, blah, women are so much nicer, blah, I have a lot of gay friends, blah blah, I survived cancer, what? blah, I travel and work out, blah. I don't even know what happened next. I think he told me about having an inflatable penis. Is that a real thing? I think he asked if I worked out because I looked like an athlete. Is that a compliment? I was hanging onto my video-phone for dear life, anxiously hoping for a call or text or video text or voice mail or low battery vibrate - anything! He paid for my lunch -- so, thank you Bruce. He walked me to my apartment -- again, thank you?

And all along, even before shit got real, I wondered where the other guy was. The awesome one. The normal one?

So. That. Happened.

I won't be texting or seeing Bruce anymore .. But can I hang out with his friend without him knowing?

Also, why are people so crazy?

August-ish.

Thighs and Rompers. 

I live in Seattle and people visit me here. My dear San Francisco friends came for a hot minute. During their stay, we attempted to float down some river. In retrospect, I should have known better. I'm clumsy. People like me don't do well in numerous situations including but not limited to: a burning building, an airplane experiencing turbulence, around a ferocious dog or in an alley late at night. A river with water and rocks as been added to the list, my list. Without any hesitation or thought, I jumped on my floatation device with all the confidence in the world. I'm on crocodile, I'm 26, I'm pretty strong for my size -- random thoughts that popped in my head as I let the water sweep me away from the safe, solid land. When I looked back a few seconds later it appeared as though Callie had the hang of it as well. Jenny was messing around being clumsy and the other girls weren't even in the water yet. I was moving down that thing with such speed I started to get nervous. Then, as though I was on land, I tried to stand up and stop the experience immediately. It was at this juncture that bad things started happening. The river stole the flip flops I had borrowed, people kept tumbling off their inflatable animals and Michelle Duffie got caught under a branch and almost drowned - as I stood helpless in the water watching it all go down. Sad, right? And through it all: all of the screaming, pain and frustration only Callie and Hoover could say they had an okay time. I think. So .. that happened. But to make it all better, Duffie hosted a rad party full of grilled meat, sherbert, amazing terry cloth rompers, laughter, family, beer, braiding sessions, singing, a beautiful baby, the most awesome nanny and lots of chips - all kinds. It was a lot of fun. Thank you J&C for making the trek. Duffie, you know why I'm here. You know how I feel. A week after they left, Mariana came for a lil' visit. Needless to say, a river was not  floated. We ate a lot of things and drank these weird tea slushie things that made our stomachs angry and confused. I worked a ton and her and Duffie became fast friends. Mariana, to sum up your trip I'd use these words/phrases: flannel, Jersey Shore, can I make a sauce from scratch? Yeah, I can make a sauce from scratch, blackberries, according to the book, pin ball, beach+nirvana+woodfire pizza, Oh My God - Oh My God You Guys, we suck at trivia, we should have gone to Quinn's, two doughnuts - why not, they're small, wat bot, so: do you guys want nachos?, I have to lay down, etc. You're a great friend. I love you. I love your laugh. I'll catch you on the flip side, in San Francisco, on 18th and Valencia. You know the place, save me a seat.

Bff. 

So, to sum things up:
Clumsy people should stay away from the Cedar River.
Friends are dear hearts.
Blackberry cobbler is delicious.
I think the summer is over.
My Dad watches the hell out of the Lifetime Movie Network.
I've composed a letter to John Legend asking him to sing at my wedding. All I need is his address.
I love you.

.. Please?

Goji.

O M G oji

We rolled in three. As the newest edition to the group I was in the back seat, clearly. It was a humid summer evening. I had my legs out in some janky cut-off shorts and this beautiful fashion scarf that made all the guys holla. Gross. Michelle and Cassi laughed in the front, the closeness they have for one another is truly a delight to see. I was set in the back with a box of granola bars, an infant seat and numerous fun size candy bars. Little did I know that morning that an impromptu hunt for the infamous and quite rare Goji berry slurpee would fill our Saturday night. For that evening (and perhaps all evenings), for Ms. Cassi's mouth, a traditional Wild Cherry slurpee would not do. Our epic expedition began at 9:30pm. We hit every 7-11 between SeaTac and Ballard -- perhaps 20, perhaps 17 - I lost track on Rainier Ave.. In this order these things happened: Cas parked the car, we jumped out like gang-busters, a race to the slurpee machine, disappointed faces, the "fried chicken for a quarter a piece?" debate, answer: no, water instead, king size snicker bar also, a chat with the locals, laughter and uneasiness to follow and back in the car. On to the next one. Repeat. It is true my shoes were off for most of the the trip. It is also true we almost got into a wreck and I freaked out (of course) and screamed like terrified toddler. Within the three hours our journey I slipped into a sugar coma, slept it off, ate more candy and gave a speech telling my new friends how much I appreciate having them in my life. I'm pretty sure I told them I loved them? I mean, what's the harm in that? Life is too short for people to not know or have to guess how you feel about them. Simple as that. We didn't find Goji that night but I can honestly say it was an epic try. Hella laughter. Alas! These women! Did! Not! Give Up! In Kent the next morning the illusive Goji berry was found, bought, admired and devoured. An amazing night full of memories I won't soon forget.

Yoga.

I think it is time I come face to face with yoga again. My last attempt occurred in 2000, I had just turned sixteen. I'll never forget it because it ended up being some 'power Yoga' ruse and I was quite sure I'd pass away before the class ended. The breathing and the sweat. That music. Everyone seemed so calm and relaxed. Why the heck was I struggling so much? I was on the j.v. basketball team for goodness sake! I mean, really. And worst of all, the instructor insisted on calling me out. Once with: "Lower your back, hun - no, not yet .. Now!" She also assured me the class would wait as I caught my breath before continuing. It was awkward. I was in basketball shorts too, of course, so I stood out like a sore thumb in a room full of people wearing yoga pants and tank tops. It was quite possibly the longest fifty minutes minutes of my life. Leaving that damn facility I was delirious, incoherent and starving. And the soreness I felt the next day cannot be described in very nice words. So it's 2010, a good ten years since the incident. I'd say I'm in pretty good shape: I run here and there and have recently (just this hour) agreed to cut butter and sugar from my diet? If not now, when?! YouTube has some pretty neat 'Yoga' videos. It's free and I can do it in the privacy (shades up!) of my own home. I've got yoga pants this time around and a sweat band. What's the worst that could happen? .. Lastly, what the hell kind of friends would drag a novice to 'Power Yoga'? Katie & Carolyn: that's you. I'm going to need some type of explanation.